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PastPoop8/16/2003-The Burning Social Heavens Reflected in a Mud PuddleThank God I'm married. I praise to the Almighty daily I found a woman in the real world who takes me for what I am and doesn't expect much cause I sure as hell am not worth the laod my pappy shot to make me. Besides the fact that I love her, I'm thankful that I don't have to date. Let's face it, I'm no Don Juan DeMarco; hell I'm not even a pimped out barfly who amazes women with my keen recycled wit, fat income, or modern penis enlarger. Dating is a big pain in the ass and requires way too much wooing. A big fucking hassle just for some ass or a meaningful relationship.Dating took a huge drop with the advent of internet personals. God really has a sense of humor. This reason above all makes me glad I'm taken. If I were single, I probably would be one of these toads, looking for some fellow wretch to have me for a night of stinky, unfullfilling, STD laden coitus. I found the following dregs of cyber, as well as normal, humanity whilst perusing chats and Yahoo personals. Good lord has our collective genetic stock quality dropped. Ah well, as a public service, I've collected some of my favorites in the hope of finding them a good shaggin'. I'm all about helping out. Feel free to comment on these sexy beasts in the 'post a comment' section, and go to Yahoo personals if you actually want to knock the boots with one of these lovely peeps. We'll start with wimmen. Internet Dumplin' Number 1:  Alrighty, this lovely lass is named Chelle. She's from my last residence of Everett, Wa. She's smart and likes puppies. She also really likes Salisbury steak smothered in cheese. She hates animal cruelty and has a king size bed. She's looking for a sexy man to paint her toes and feed her Goobers. Yay Chelle! Chickie Numbah Two!:  This lil biscuit of down home lovvin hails from Deliverance. She's mighty progressive though, as she's into crystals, Tarot, astrology and yeast infections. She's seeking a man of the cosmos and hopes to share her dream of putting her head into a moving fan with him..give it up for Gennie! Wench of Solitude 3:  This girl is my personal fave. She's a spritely 19 years of age, and is into 'trying new things'. She comes from Fresno, Ca, but don't let that put you off. She's hoping her Romeo is waiting to drag her to his pad by her hair. Her likes: Diet Rite, Alcoholics Anonymous, Canadian cinema, '7th Heaven', and snorting Smarties. She dislikes 'hyper people and doorstep bowel movements.' Let's see some love for Angiiiieeee!!!! Okay ladies, and non lesbians; It's your turn to sample some gonad goodness in the form of the slabs of beef pictured below. Try not to swoon and keep your panties dry, you're in for a treat. Internet Penis 1:  This here is 'Bob'. He's a secular individual who enjoys his privacy and collection of tatooed skin. He seeks a woman with no family and no forwarding address. Um, yeah..well here's Bob. Beefcake Zwei:  AAAWWWWW YYYEEEAAAHH! Representin' the Hood! This sexy slice of foreskin resides in my hometown of Greenbank, Whidbey Island, Wa. He's a happy fellow with gainful employment in the chicken feed industry. He's seeking a woman who can look past the fact his DNA is stuck in the Cro-Magnon era. He dislikes Darwin, fire, and loincloths that chafe... Ladies, I give you Steve. The Final Bachelor:  And here we are at our final bachelor. His profile is pretty sparse, but he did post his favorite pickup line: 'Wanna come over and see my droppings?' Hmm...... That mein freunds, is dc al fine. Have a splendid Sunday, and as always I remain.... -Insidious_T |
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